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Showing posts from 2016

This Morning

This morning
I can feel the weight on my shoulders
Of all the potential lives I have not lived
And all the potential lives I will not live
A hunchbacked Atlas
I fear, one day
The sky will come crashing down
All the unlived lives raining fire and ice
It will be the triumph of regret over love

The Lobster

Mixed feelings about this 2015 absurdist film. I can intellectually and artistically appreciate what the film is about and what it is conveying, but emotionally it just falls flat. It gave me no pleasure or joy in watching it... which I understand is deliberate, the film intentionally is monotone, but still. It's a pithy satire of society's exaltation of companionship and marriage, and of the explicit and implicit rules that govern who we are attracted to and we who choose as our mates. It's also depicts the futility of a rebellion in the sense that a group of people who unify around the defiance of dominant social rules can end up with social rules of their own which can be just as suffocating. I found the idea of the film to be quite refreshing; the actual film, not quite as much. Which leads me to wonder about the different reasons why we see a film and what we expect out of it. I always seem to judge a movie in the context of what my expectations were; even if I reali…

The Void

I don't even know if anyone still follows the blog anymore. I did abandon it; I wouldn't be surprised. I even thought of taking it down, to be honest. I have returned to it out a certain feeling of isolation, a need to clear my head, and perhaps at this point writing on this blog is like shouting out into the void... which may be what I am looking for any way.

The OA

*spoilers*
I finished the Netflix series "The OA" 2 days ago. I found it beautiful and brutal, illuminating and infuriating. We are confronted with two possibilities, either her story is true, or it is false. Our rational understanding of the world would lead us to believe that the story is false; the over-all force of the narrative wants us to believe it is true. For it to be true requires a leap of faith... in OA's honesty as well as her sanity. It would be a ridiculous truth but it would justify everything, make everything meaningful. The other alternative is that she is delusional, and that the five got trapped in a cult of sorts, which makes the whole thing so cruel.
The way the story has ended is deliberately ambiguous, it could be either way. It's Schrodinger's cat. Reflective of the ambiguous reality of our own existence... there may be nothing but atoms and the void, or there may be something transcendent. We don't know, and therein lies the anguish.

In the Woods

Just finished reading In the Woods by Tana French today. What a wonderful book... I can't remember the last time a novel made my heart so heavy. I feel like I am grieving over a devastating loss. *Spoilers ahead*
What saddens me the most is the breakdown of Ryan and Cassie's relationship over a blunderous decision, and Ryan's subsequent inability to deal with it. Their friendship was something rare and beautiful, and the fact that he messed it up beyond redemption breaks my heart. I wish the author had given him a chance to redeem himself. I wish I could somehow rewrite the ending. I do not know why this particular aspects distresses me so; perhaps it touches a nerve somewhere in my cortex.
It is terribly hard for us to communicate with others in a meaningful way when it requiring confronting our fears and insecurities. To make oneself vulnerable involves a risk that one will be understood and acknowledged. A risk that, sadly, in many cases does not bear fruit, but at the…

Untitled

"You’ve been half my life, all of my madness."

The Last Kingdom, #1.03

The Problem of Evil

"What kind of god would do something like that?"
"The one we've got."

Game of Thrones, #609 Battle of the Bastards

Rust & Stardust

"And the last long lap is the hardest,
And I shall be dumped where the weed decays,
And the rest is rust and stardust."

Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

Except

“She wasn’t doing a thing that I could see, except standing there leaning on the balcony railing, holding the universe together.”
J. D. Salinger, A Girl I Knew

Storms

"You will hear thunder and remember me,
And think: she wanted storms. The rim
Of the sky will be the colour of hard crimson,
And your heart, as it was then, will be on fire."

Anna Akhmatova, You Will Hear Thunder

Bitter-sweet

"I have realized that I seek out bitter-sweet feelings... in myself, in others, in music, literature, and art; the dreamer in me thrives on them... and what is more bitter-sweet than a longing for what you can never have?"

Certainty

"...one should not demand from the philosophical treatment of a subject more certainty than the subject admits."
Thomas Nagel, paraphrasing Aristotle

Untitled

Friends, and more than friends, and nothing more.

Beauty

The vast majority of beauty in the universe is unfriendly to us, if not outright lethal.