X: Sex is really another language to me, I suppose -- another way of hugging, saying I love you, asking how your day was, telling you not to worry, and so on and on. But... it's a language I can speak in to anyone I love? Even if I don't love them with that sort of passion? So much like women who don't love at all, in anyway, yet have sex for someone else's sake? Who and how many could I have sex with? How meaningful is sex with my lover? It makes me feel monstrous.

Me: I think that sex for you is free from the psychological restraints that others have. I don't think that makes you monstrous or evil. I think it may even put you at an advantage. It is not the capacity for sex that is monstrous, but what you choose to do with it.


stumblingmystic said…
Well, I have to say, I disagree with this perspective. I think it's much healthier and more ethical to cultivate a radically relational and empathetic sexuality (i.e. to have sex purely in the context of a stable relationship where empathy and emotional sensitivity are involved) than to have casual or anonymous sex. At least to me, the ability to have anonymous sex indicates a real lack of emotional sensitivity and moral refinement. Sure, everyone probably has had some casual sexual encounters, but the minute you make this sort of casual approach to sex *a norm* or something *on par* with stable relationships -- i.e. just another valid lifestyle choice -- you lower the emotional sensitivity of the overall culture.

Part of my argument has to do with a framework that sees psychosexual development on a continuum with emotional development and the development of genuine empathy and emotional sensitivity.

The second part of my argument would be based on a more traditional approach that you can trace back to the Stoics, etc., who saw lust as among the same passions as anger, greed, jealousy, etc., and saw it as something that had to be restrained and disciplined.

The third part of my argument is based on seeing a certain degree of sublimation of sexuality as necessary for cultural achievement more generally. The vast number of sexual outlets available to people these days tend to allow a chaotic dissipation of energy that could otherwise be channeled into creativity, heroism, or social work -- i.e. constructive pursuits.