Trade Up

Aati: You know how some people never have lasting relationships because they always have the urge to 'trade up' their partner? That is, once they 'get' a certain person, they want to get a better person. I have realized I do something similar. I trade up my expectations. Once upon a time, I didn't expect to be loved back. I got that. So then I expected to be loved back and accepted along with my values and beliefs. I got that too. So then I expected to be loved back, accepted and loved for those values and beliefs too; not just merely 'tolerated'. I don't get the urge to trade up people, but once I've traded up my expectations, those people fall short of them anyway and an emotional incompatibility is created.

Comments

Komal said…
What happens when Aati hits an upper limit of expectations, and her partner still fulfills all of them?
Rekkha said…
Totally agree with Aati. Trading up of expectations happens in many relationships which can certainly lead to emotional instability. This is a kind of relationship where more is taken than given and it shows the immaturity of the bond itself. But, to me personally, what will always be a sorry situation in a relationship is where more is given than taken and this pressure to rise up to what is given may also lead to emotional instability. This happens not in immature bonds per se, but those in which one partner strives to operate on an above-ordinary level of interaction and the other is not just ready. But there is a great future to such bonds if the level of consciousness is uplifted and somehow is made to naturally commingle with each other's expectations too. Such relationship also has a true purpose in life.

Eventually, in spite of any such emotional instability, if a bond is true and the need to be in that bond too is equally true, nothing can break it since such beautiful bonds have a life force of their own and they just keep going on. Mazel tov to all such lovely bonds!