On Death

I could have died last night.

I forgot to close the gas switch of my room, as i turned off my heater before going to sleep. Even though the heater was off, i guess there was some leak, cause in the morning when my father came to my room, it was full of gas. And all the windows were closed too. But i was alive. And i woke up with a full and somewhat runny nose, and the perceptible odour of gas. No other damage done.

But that's not what disturbs me. What disturbs me is that as my mother woke me up and was telling me how i could have died, my first instinctive thought was "Dying peacefully in the sleep, that's not so bad." :S Am i really that screwed up to prefer annihilation over this life? It's not as if my life is very terrible. Yeah, there are problems, and sometimes it's just a mess, but i am also happy, and there are people who genuinely love me. So, why the thought?

And i was just wondering, if i had died, many of the readers of this blog would never have found out about it. The blog would still exist, un-updated, and some people would continue to arrive at it in the process of googling something or just checking out blogs on other peoples' blog rolls. The old readers would stop visiting seeing that it is no longer being updated. And they would have no idea that i haven't just abandoned this blog, but that i am, in fact, dead.

Comments

Hamza said…
"And i was just wondering, if i had died, many of the readers of this blog would never have found out about it. The blog would still exist, un-updated, and some people would continue to arrive at it in the process of googling..."

Creeeepy! Glad you're fine. The myth is still in creation.
Uni said…
Alhamdulillah you're fine !! Still going.. You have a life to live man...

Waisay.. how do you know dying in sleep is peaceful ???
F. said…
"Am i really that screwed up to prefer annihilation over this life?"


No.


Just because you think that, if you must die, you'd rather die peacefully and painlessly doesn't mean you're screwed up.
If anything, it means the opposite.


Screwed up is something else entirely.
N.A. said…
:-|

I am kind of speechless! And this reminds me of countless Urdu verses on Death!

I may be wrong but wasn't it an experience - not very pleasant of course - of some kind of learning? Don't you think such incidents tell us so much about ourselves! Actually they do that for me... that's why i am saying so...
Awais said…
Thanks for the concern :)

@ Hamza

Yeah, it is creepy :S

@ Uni

Umm, well, nothing is certain. But it's a likely scenario given that the person is unconscious in sleep, and u need to be conscious to feel pain.

@ F.

It wasn't really a hypothetical choice between painful or painless death, it was rather basically a choice between life and death (preferrably peaceful).

@ N.A.

Well, i can't say it changed me but yeah, it did made me think about many things, me, my life.
Gaya said…
~Punch!!!!~
You deserve it.
I have been there. Twice. One time I going to drown. The other time, I was too sick the doctors claim that if my friends had been a little late in bringing me to the ER, I would have died.
Its a scary thought, but if one is one is wise enough, it really makes you appreciate life a lot more. Life is never as bad as we think it is.

I am glad you survived the experience. :-)
i almost had a rendezvous with death twice in two years.
it was scary! but then how scary could it be when you know that it just would nt meet you without that appoinment.. and i wasnt quite ready!
Shade said…
A scary experience for sure! But y'know there are some ways to speak to your loved ones from beyond the grave. For example a couple of internet services allow you to send a email to people of your choice after a period of time in the event that u die. Think of it as a time capsule. If you don't press a button after a certain period of time, the time capsule releases its contents and your special message is released. You could do something similar for your blog!