I could have died last night.
I forgot to close the gas switch of my room, as i turned off my heater before going to sleep. Even though the heater was off, i guess there was some leak, cause in the morning when my father came to my room, it was full of gas. And all the windows were closed too. But i was alive. And i woke up with a full and somewhat runny nose, and the perceptible odour of gas. No other damage done.
But that's not what disturbs me. What disturbs me is that as my mother woke me up and was telling me how i could have died, my first instinctive thought was "Dying peacefully in the sleep, that's not so bad." :S Am i really that screwed up to prefer annihilation over this life? It's not as if my life is very terrible. Yeah, there are problems, and sometimes it's just a mess, but i am also happy, and there are people who genuinely love me. So, why the thought?
And i was just wondering, if i had died, many of the readers of this blog would never have found out about it. The blog would still exist, un-updated, and some people would continue to arrive at it in the process of googling something or just checking out blogs on other peoples' blog rolls. The old readers would stop visiting seeing that it is no longer being updated. And they would have no idea that i haven't just abandoned this blog, but that i am, in fact, dead.