The Right Person

The right person
By M. Awais Aftab

'Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart.'

There are more than six billion people in the world, but all you need is one right person. What makes him/her 'right' for you? Why does the company of one person fill you with a magical tingling, while a long association with another arouses no passion? What makes you love the person you love?

Of course, everyone knows that appearance of a person matters in how much attraction we feel. But does it depend on beauty alone, or is there some other mechanism at work? Many psychologists are of the opinion that we feel attracted to persons who resemble our parents, or more importantly, who resemble ourselves. The research of the psychologist David Perrett has revealed some very interesting findings. He conducted an experiment in which he digitally converted the picture of the subject's face into the face of a member of the opposite sex, and then the subject was shown a series of pictures, including that morphed photo, and was asked to identify the face to which he felt most attraction. The subjects invariably chose the digitally morphed photo, not even realising that it was a modified photo of their own face!

Eye Contact:
Dr. Ben Jones is of the opinion that people are attracted to people who are attracted to them. This is determined by social cues, most important of which is looking directly at someone. People find faces with direct gaze more attractive than faces with averted gaze, and if that gaze hints 'I am interested in you' then we have a perfect recipe for love at first sight.

Personality: Unconscious Fit
This idea was given by the psychotherapist Henry Dicks, according to whom everyone of us possesses an emotional layout, a psychological blueprint within ourselves, which is shaped by the experiences we have had and how they have influenced us. It works at the unconscious level and contains information that we haven't even acknowledged consciously - our hidden fears and anxieties, our coping and defense mechanisms etc. Furthermore, everyone has the unconscious ability to scan the other person's emotional blueprint. The reason why we are attracted to one person and not another is that our unconscious mind is searching for a blueprint that would complement our own, and attraction develops when such a blueprint is found. Sometimes it can be a person who is similar to us in thinking and ideas, but often we are looking for someone from whom we can learn: someone who can fill up the deficiencies in our own blueprint. The ideal partner would be someone who has had similar experiences in his/her life, but has developed different coping mechanisms, and hence offers the greatest potential of making us psychologically whole.

Pheromones are chemicals produced by the individual of a species which stimulate other members of the species to behave in a particular way. Their role in animals is established and their role in humans is being indicated from several research works. Pheromones are like odourless scents found in the sweat and urine of animals, which stimulate sexual behavior and attraction in a member of the opposite sex whose immune system is genetically different from their own (nature's way of assuring that the offspring survives). Humans sweat also contains pheromones. A study was conducted in which female subjects were given the unwashed T-shirts of a group of sweaty males, and they had to smell them and choose the one they felt most 'attracted' to. Most women chose a shirt from a male whose immune system was significantly different from their own.

In reality, none of these mechanisms would work in isolation, and a combination of these would be required, but then of course, being the mystery that love is, the chemistry between people would often remain simply inexplicable.

[Published in Us magazine:


A said…
I loved this!
Kishore said…
I did too!
Thanks a lot for sharing it here :)
Anonymous said…
anyone can catch your eye,bt it take someone special to catch ur heart
loved that
Dr. Rabia said…
very very interesting.i simply have no words to appreciate this article.